Outdoor Theatres:
With the request for more varied nightlife activities, Johannesburg is starting to become a stagnant ready meal for the young and trendy. Clubs, bars and must-be-seen-at-spots have begun to wane thin on the desires of the rat-race participants. What Johannesburg needs is the opportunity to experience something different, something with style.
My question is, where are the megatron-karaoke bars that have begun to take over European nightlife? Where are the burlesque-clubs that offer dinner and a show? And last but not least, where are the outdoor theatres? Now, I’m not talking about the Veldskoen Drive-In, I’m talking about the nightlife experience of being able to pack a picnic or goodie bag, pick your spot on an open field and take in the scenes of Casablanca under the twinkling of summer stars! Sounds a little idealistic?
Well, in essence that is the problem. Pure South African mentality immediately asks questions of safety and security and rightfully so. I’m not going to get all socio-political on you because it really isn’t a political issue. What it is, is a complacency issue. I find South Africans a very complacent nation...I have now begun to digress slightly.
Getting back to the point, if there are any outdoor media companies out there reading this, I challenge you to take up the task of creating a stable, secure, trendy environment where I can pay an entrance fee, whip out my picnic basket, lay down my blanket and watch my favourite 50’s classic on a screen P Duffy (or whatever his name is now) would be proud of. And Go.
Power Bands:
I’m going to try my best to remain calm as I write this because every once in a while something like this comes along. Power Bands, the new craze sweeping the gullible nation of what’s-cool-now individuals who truly think that something as stupid as slapping on a bit of plastic can help them “center your energy and dispel negative aura” or what ever the f#ck these bits of plastic claim to do. To me, this is about as effective as inserting a nicotine patch into a box of cigarettes.
It is beyond ridiculous, idiotic in fact and by far one of the most fad-esque pieces of accessories I have ever been exposed to in my lifetime. I generally have an issue with people who wear these and usually I’m pretty accepting of those who choose to follow the herd – even one as kooky as this – but this, this bit of plastic, is where I drawn the line of acceptability.
Power Band Wearers of the World…you are beyond help in my books. It’s a pity that there hasn’t been a scrunchie, hair band or nail polish that claims to improve your intellect, you'd be all over that like white-on-rice, wouldn't you? Nevermind the celebrity-based marketing power it'll have inevitably prompting you into buying one…I mean, would you really wear something that proves you’re a moron? Oh wait, are already do. My bad.
Derek Watts' Hair:
So before you all raise your hands in protest, understand that I speak for myself when I write this piece of hogwash and it in no way reflects the views of my company, it’s members, the company I work for nor its employees.
In truth, anyone who’s anyone will know that Derek is no mouse of a man. Supposedly there’s a whole 6’ 7” of him perched on that modernist chair every Sunday, so the anxious feeling I have when writing this is not one of a legal matter, but one of a pounding-into-the-ground-anxiety. Derek, if you get the chance to read this, please don’t hit me.
Now that I’ve got the P.C. crap out of the way, this is my address to you Derek. You are a legend, a national treasure who will soon over take our other national icon, Riaan Krywagen…my only fear for you Derek is that you will follow the same fate as “The Tin Man” himself. I don’t want that for you, no one does, trust me! So, with that said, do something about the hair man! I have grown up on two incredible staples from South African Television, 1) Candice Hillebrand and 2) Carte Blanche.
Even though the cheesy musical intro has been changed recently following the hipster revamp of the show itself, it still signals the “end of the weekend”, which makes most of us sigh in agony. But, in a strange and meaningful way, it’s comforting and it’s definitely become a part of millions of peoples lives on a Sunday evening, including mine…but Derek, the hair man!
Have you considered changing hairstylists? Possibly making the effort to stop having your hair trimmed by your high school principal. I have no beef with you, Carte Blanche or any associates who might have an opinion on this piece. What I do have an issue with is that hairstyle Derek, it needs to change or evolve or something.
Don’t allow yourself to be placed in the Riaan-Pigeon-Hole, you’re better than that Derry. Let’s make it happen, yeah? Yeah!
Right, I'm off and my boerie is burning.